Every morning I have the same routine. I get to work, log into my computer and immediately open up my e-mail. Well, every morning it never fails I have a message from the "System Administrator" telling me my mailbox has exceeded it's storage space limit. Every morning I get frustrated, wondering how I can have plenty of space the day before when I leave..but when I get back in the morning I have "exceeded my limit"
Well today before I left work, I decided to look and see what types of old "junk" I have been keeping in my e-mail. Thinking that maybe if I go through and delete some things I wont have the same daily e-mail waiting for me in the morning. As I sorted through my e-mail I came to a realization. It's really difficult for me to admit to this, so bare with me :) I realized, while going through my e-mail inbox that I am indeed a "HOARDER".
I'm not the type of hoarder you see on that television series. You will NEVER find a dead cat in my home, bed bugs taking over my bed, or rotten food in my bedroom. What I hoard is far WORSE than that. You see those things I mentioned before can be cleaned and taken care of much easier than what I hold onto. I hoard negative e-mails and the past hurt they caused. Let me explain.
If someone says something I consider mean in an e-mail (business and/or personal) I feel like I cant get rid of it. I use it as a constant reminder of WHY I am upset or hurt. I had e-mails from the beginning of this year from someone who hurt my feelings. I saved all of his e-mails and all of the e-mails from my friends discussing how hurt I was about the situation. I sat there at my desk (as I have done before) and read each and every one of those e-mails. A situation that I considered "dead" and that I claimed no longer affected me, seemed to take life and form all over again. Reading those e-mails made me feel like I was taking 20 steps in the wrong direction of my positive thinking quest.
This isn't the first time I have displayed this behavior. I once kept hurtful e-mails from someone for 5 years. Every time I went into my inbox to delete the messages, I ended up reading them, reliving them and keeping them. One day I decided it was time to put a stop to my madness, but I couldn't seem to do it myself. I gave a friend of mine my password and asked him to delete ALL of the e-mails that I had saved from this particular person (I even had a folder smdh). He deleted the e-mails, and I finally felt free from that past. Until I logged onto that same account weeks later and realized that he had forgotten to delete ONE last e-mail...and guess what, I haven't deleted it as of today...and that was over 2 years ago.
My hoarding habits have become detrimental to my future. Just like my e-mail inbox I have "exceeded my mental limit". Reliving the past has been keeping me in this place I don't want to be! I cant be happy if I continue to hold onto all of the negative things people say or do to me. I have to GET RID OF IT! That said, tomorrow when I go into work I am going to face those e-mails head on...and finally let go and DELETE them...no more reliving what could have been, what was or questioning why.
*standing up* My name is Chay, and I am a RECOVERING hoarder of all things negative. It stops here, NOW.
Now think to YOURSELF, what is it that YOU are holding onto that is preventing you from being the BEST YOU?
Be Blessed!